Love people, use things, not the other way around




It is constantly rethought and reformulated - this is a good tradition. Every culture first of all tries to reformulate and correct this golden rule of ethics for itself. Thus was born the Christian : "Love your neighbor as yourself", as well as the categorical imperative of the philosophical ethics of Immanuel Kant: "Man should be only the goal of your actions and never - a means."

That is, if I feed you, it is only because you are hungry now, and I want you to be full, because I know that being hungry is not comfortable. Not because I want you to give me your lecture notebook tomorrow.
From the same "opera" comes a very anonymous maxim that I like, which has rethought Kant himself (that is, the granddaughter of the "golden rule of ethics"). It sounds like this: “Love people. Use things. And not the other way around. "

And so, in turn, the "golden rule of ethics" was taken by Erickson, the same one. What is the value of the work of his mind? Not to shine with wit, saying the same thing, but differently.

Erickson formulated a completely new law and called it a new "Golden Rule of Conduct." For whom did he formulate this law? First of all, for those who are fully involved in the process of interpersonal interaction and moreover - it depends on this process. For example, the life of his creative project, the life of his business, his offspring directly depends on how this person communicates with other people.
That is, it is best to study this law in the practice of teaching management, in the practice of training managers. But not only them. Why do managers need all the cream of human wisdom and wit? After all, interpersonal interaction is something we face all our lives, even without being bosses and not working with clients all day.

So, the Golden Rule of Behavior :

Interact with people so that the result of your communication gives new strength to both you and yourself.

How little is said, but how much is behind it! Try to do it! This commandment clearly explains: energy vampirism, when after communication, only one person gains strength - quietly destroys the team and the whole thing.
And elementary psychological illiteracy, when after the communication of forces there is no one left at all - and the ship sinks at once.
Erickson very clearly explains the painful question: "How is it, you need to treat your neighbor as yourself?" And if I want chocolate, and my neighbor is on a diet, why should I shove chocolate in his mouth, according to the commandment?
And if "do not wish your neighbor what you do not wish for yourself" to perform exactly, then half of the people will walk sad and lost all the most precious things…
Everything is really simple. We give our neighbor chocolate that he does not hate (and we love). We give our energy to our neighbor. And we expect the same from him. We are waiting for energy exchange. Therefore, the result of healthy, high-quality communication will be an influx of new and fresh forces from both parties.
Playing alone is tiring and annoying. And how to make it so - equally, both at once? That’s what it’s worth thinking about, including your emotional intelligence, and non-emotional in these thoughts will not be an obstacle.
If you want, I will express my opinion, or rather, tell my strategy of behavior. In my opinion, the main thing is not to lie to yourself. That is, do not communicate with those people with whom you hate to communicate. Communicate only with those whom you can happily perceive as a GOAL, not as a MEANS. The habit of using people will give some quick earthly benefits, but it will hit the other end of the stick too hard - it will deplete our energy. And then a person with depleted energy, accustomed to seeing in any communication only hard and boring WORK, will become uninteresting at all to anyone. He will want to use someone out of habit, pulling a smile - and all of him, like a plague run away, do not believe his insincere look and fake smile.

Thus, those who have spent all their vital energy to maintain a false (non-feedback energy) friendship, remain on the beans. The first is that no one will give him their energy (since they sincerely give it only in exchange for yours!). Second, he will not be able to use anyone out of habit for petty material gain - an energetically depleted person is bypassed and not even poured coffee for free.

Well, if you are the owner of such a Golden Communication, which was described by Erickson, and if you have people with whom you exchange "new forces", then you will have so much of these forces that you can easily share them in case of gloomy and annoyed stranger.

Author Elena Nazarenko
Photo Niki Boon

Source: Star Collector